I hate nothing about you

I have talked about previously, what it’s like dealing with heartache and heartbreak with a friend, but what I haven’t talk about yet is what it’s like being “in love”, whether it’s the first time or the fourth time. Love is very cliché and complicated, but extremely unique to your own experience. Everyone experiences loving someone differently

When you are in love with that special person, your person, everything they do, you do. But also, everything they feel, you feel. You take on that person’s pain, which is essentially what you signed up for. You do things for them you wouldn’t normally do. Your judgment is impaired, almost as if you were intoxicated. When you love this person, you end up baring your soul to them. You’d truly do anything for them. They can do no wrong in your eyes, they are perfect. Until one day they’re not. They cheat on you, hurt you, leave you or choose someone else, and yet your love for them doesn’t waiver. You’re left wondering why you aren’t good enough for him or her. You gave this person your heart, and they broke it and left. You’d give your life for this person and yet they still left you. They say they love you, but the truth is, they love the attention you give them, but it isn’t reciprocated. The love you have for them is so much more aggressive then the love they have for you. You lie awake at night, every night, wondering why, just why they don’t love you back. The pain physically hurts in your chest because you just can’t breathe without this person. They left a void in you that no one else will fill. Your heart is broken because you just had to fall in love.

Something I have had to learn is that some people will never love you the same way that you love them. Many people have explained to me that it’ll get better, the heartache gets easier, but if you truly love someone that feeing will never truly go away. Whenever that person needs you, despite what they did to you, you’d be there. They will never understand the hatred you have developed in your heart because of how much distress they put you through. Love is a dangerous thing. It can help you or harm you. I write this post to say heart break is normal, being in love is normal, and you will essentially get through this phase. I have to constantly tell myself it’ll be okay, and that I am capable of being loved, bu I do also know it feels like you’re not capable of being loved by someone, but I’m reassuring you, that you are. We’re all going to get through this, we just have to keep on keepin’ on.

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

An update

Hi guys, I want to first, start off, by apologizing for not blogging for 2 months. I have been really busy with school, sorority life, and trying to take care of myself, essentially. Neverthelesss, that isn’t an excuse to not keep you all updated and to not keep this blog updated. A little update: I went through a self-harm relapse and suicidal ideations. I skipped a few doses of my medication, non- intentionally, but it still happened. I have missed blogging, and this is one of the reasons I started a blog, so I could cope with my own mental illness, while helping others cope with their own. I want this to be an outlet for all of us, but to do that I actually have to blog, even when I particularly don’t feel like doing it. With that being said I am going to try my very hardest to blog more frequently these next few weeks, hopefully one a week, and even more frequently once classes are done with. Again, I apologize for my absence, and I am going to try my very best to not let that happen again. I hope you guys are coping well, taking care of yourselves, and doing what you need to do to stay healthy mentally and physically.

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