Breakups are hard. Should mental illness be used as leverage?

Breakups are never easy, whether they be friendships or romantic relationships. They ruin the glimpse of light we once had. They leave you sometimes broken, even years later. It isn’t easy coping with any type of breakup, and some handle it better than others, but wallowing in the loss of that special person, is detrimental to your mental health, and I should know, as I am still dealing with a breakup with my ex best friend that happened 2 years ago, and yet she has moved on completely.

I am doing so much better since the last time we spoke. It’s no secret that me and my mental illness were the reason for the ending of our friendship, and at the time I couldn’t see it because I blamed it solely on my mental illness. I was toxic to our friendship without even realizing. I made my problems her problems, and it took an obvious toll on her. I thought she was being hateful when she ended our friendship, but she was doing what was best for her own mental health. I was diminishing her mental health by sucking her into my illness. She will never get to know how much better I am doing, or all my accomplishments I have made in the most recent years, and I will never know hers.

Why am I still sad over it, you might ask? I am still very heartbroken because this person was my person. They were my shoulder to cry on, and the first person I thought about when I woke up. They were my absolute best friend. Some might’ve even called us family with how close were. We were never supposed to leave each other. She was going to be in my wedding, and I was going to be in hers, and now she wouldn’t flinch if something happened to me. It is so crazy how someone can go from being your everything to a stranger in the blink of an eye.

I wrote this post because some people feel they must stay in a toxic relationship with someone just because they’re mentally ill, and speaking from someone who is mentally ill, they should not fee obligated to stay in that relationship as it can be detrimental to their own mental health. Yes, it hurts when they leave because they promised they wouldn’t, but mental illness is serious, and some people just can’t handle it which is not a bad thing, at all. Do I miss our friendship? Absolutely. Do I wish she was still in my life? Of course. Will I ever move on? Eventually. But it is a process, one that took me longer than them. Mental illness should not be held over someone’s head, nor should it be overlooked.

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6 thoughts on “Breakups are hard. Should mental illness be used as leverage?

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  1. Girl…you are not alone! We have all had someone that we have drifted from . But don’t think of it as that, think of the saying that some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season. When that season is over its time to move on.

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  2. I deal with mental illness as well and I can’t completely relate to what you’re going through. I had to learn that myself; we can’t expect people to stick around, especially if they’ve never dealt with anyone with mental illness before. It’s not something that everyone is capable of dealing with which is why we have to be forever grateful to the ones that are capable or even try to be. You’ll find a friend who understands, as I’ve found a few good ones myself.

    Good luck and I wish you the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I was always raised with the sentiment that we have different friends to fulfill different needs in our life. The friend that you go to movies with, the one you take shopping, the one you lean on, the one you go to for a laugh, etc. Needless to say, I have gone through many friends in my lifetime. I would mostly attribute this to my mental illnesses that have plagued me most my life, and the fact that I usually walk away first because I know sometimes I can not live up to the demands of my friends. In rare instances, we find people who fulfill many of our needs and it is a beautiful thing to experience. The truth to all relationships (familial, friendships, romantic, work, etc) is that we are all separate beings with different requirements. Sometimes the person that fulfills 10 of your needs does not have a reciprocal feeling. People change and circumstances change, but our past cannot. So we must be thankful for the time we had, and look forward to the opportunity that more people will soon enter our lives.

    Liked by 1 person

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