An Update

I’ve not been myself lately, and it’s incredibly scary. I have gotten bad again. I was doing so good and then everything fell apart. Anything that could go wrong, did. My grades have slipped, and I haven’t had the motivation to even take a shower in days. I oversleep and miss my classes. and am late to work all the time. I don’t want to do anything except sleep. I used to be an honor student and all I want to do is drop out of college, to just sleep. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s the truth. It’s gotten so bad, that it’s dangerous for me to be alone. October 21, I attempted to take my own life. I was ready to die; still am because today November 1, I attempted to take my life again. I haven’t felt this low in about a year and I’m stuck on what to do. I’m drowning in sadness every time I wake up, and every second I spend breathing. I’m suffocating, and the pain in my heart is excruciating. No one around me seems to be phased because they have seen me like this before, just another “episode”, I guess. I have begged God every single night, not to wake me up the next morning. I have talked to him, and, asked him to give me strength to do simple things like get out of bed, brush my teeth, brush my hair, change my clothes, and do my homework. I feel like a burden to every single person I encounter. I’ve been down this road before and I came out on top, yet, here I am again, at the lowest point in my life. My health is deteriorating. I’m sick all the time, and I don’t seem to be getting better. I just want to get back to being able to do simple things without it taking everything out of me. I wrote this blog as an update and an apology. I’m very sorry to those of you who read my blog, and who I’ve let down with this update. Please don’t lose faith in me and continue to read my blog and gain encouragement as I continue to write this blog and gain encouragement. Those of you who are religious, please keep me in your prayers, and those of you who aren’t keep me in your thoughts. I’m struggling so bad right now, and the only thing on my mind, at this moment, is death. I just need peace.

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