It was around September of 2014 when I truly started to realize I was not the same person I was a few months prior. I smiled less, I ate less, I socialized less, and I left my room less. Practices were miserable for me because I couldn’t bring myself to smile and enjoy doing the sport I loved so much, and being round the people who made it even better. Every day it was the same routine. I’d come home from school, go to my room, shut the door, pull the covers over my head and go to sleep, until my parents begged for me to come out and eat something that night. Most of the time I lied and said I already ate just so I wouldn’t have to leave my room, but they didn’t care, they weren’t buying it. I didn’t eat lunch at school, and I didn’t say a word during lunch. My friends would sit around me talking and laughing and I’d be in the middle wallowing in my sadness. In the beginning they’d ask me what was wrong, but they soon quit asking after about 2 weeks because I still wouldn’t have said anything. Those first few months leading up to my discovery of my mental illness, I was quite mute. I talked very little at church, and after church was over I would go to the car and wait for my mom to come out, so we could leave. I never cried during those months. I was more numb than anything, and didn’t really know what was happening to me, I just knew I was me anymore.
Every day was a miserable cycle of me feeling empty and not knowing what to call it. I knew why I was sad, I had some personal problems going on in my life that triggered me into this mood shift, as I called it. I didn’t think I had depression until someone pointed it out that, that is what most likely had. I kept telling my mom I didn’t have it, and I didn’t need therapy. I was in denial. In all honesty, I didn’t really know what Depression was until I was diagnosed with it. I didn’t think a mental illness could find its way inside of me, ever.
Here are some of the signs that presented themselves to me and the people around me, alarming them of my soon to be mental illness:
- I isolated myself from my friends and family
- I stopped eating
- I didn’t enjoy doing the things that made me smile, anymore
- I hated talking to people
- My grades started to suffer
- I slept anytime I got the chance
- I became irritable
- And most importantly, I began to think about dying, excessively
These signs pertained to me, but are generalized with Depression, and are usually the signs in every other person suffering with this illness. If you start to notice these signs and symptoms in you or someone you know, I encourage you to receive help immediately. Catching this infectious illness that manifests its way into your brain early could save someone’s life. Don’t ignore the signs, receive the help, that is why it is there.
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