The day I killed myself.

It was a Sunday night and I said goodbye to my coaches and teammates realizing it was the last time I’d see them, and them not realizing I was saying goodbye and not goodnight. I got home, took a shower, and said goodnight to my parents, little brother and sister, and went to bed, or so they thought.

I waited until the house was dead silent and everyone was sound asleep. I went into the medicine cabinet, grabbed every pill bottle I could see, went back to my room and popped them all into my mouth. 105 pills later I started seizing and foaming at the mouth. It was happening, it happened. I was dead.

My mom and dad found me the next morning, screaming for Jesus because they couldn’t believe their baby was gone. I ruined my family from that point on all because I was selfish enough to kill myself. My 5 year old sister didn’t understand why her sissy wasn’t coming home ever again. My 14 year old brother thought it was his fault and wanted to know why his best friend didn’t talk to him about her struggles. My parents blamed themselves for not loving me enough, when in fact they did. My dad couldn’t get through one sermon without breaking down in the pulpit. My mom couldn’t get out of bed anymore, she wasn’t the vibrant mother she once was while her “stinker winker” still alive. That’s what she called me and my sister.

All my friends who I thought never cared about me, attended my funeral, broken. I let my teammates down. They went to every competition with a new fill in, being reminded that they never saw it coming. My best friend who I thought abandoned me, and didn’t love me anymore, tried to kill her self because she thought she could have done more.

Now that I was gone, I never got the chance to meet my idol, my role model, my person, Kerry Washington. She would have no idea that I even existed because I decided to take my own life, of course that isn’t her loss it’s mine. My internet friends whom I met trough scandal wouldn’t see me live tweeting on Thursday’s anymore, screaming through my phone as I tweet about olitz. They would no longer see that anymore. My dog would no longer see me come through the front door running towards him ready to give him all the kisses and hugs in the world. My grandparents would soon die of heartache because they could no longer live with the fact that their Tay Tay was never be coming back.

Everyone in my life who I thought never loved me, or cared about me, who I thought wouldn’t have cared whether I lived or died, actually did. They cared this whole time. You see, if it wasn’t for my long time friend depression, I wouldn’t had been introduced into my new friend suicide. Because of Depression, I will never see my siblings grow up, I won’t see my parents get along for once, I won’t see my best friends ever again, I won’t ever meet Kerry. Because of Depression, I am no longer here. If I would have had that one spec of encouragement and love from those around me maybe I’d still be here, and maybe I wouldn’t be six feet under in a marble box. Maybe I’d be the lawyer I was in school to become, thriving in D.C. raising my beautiful children with the love of my life, but I’m not. I’m gone. All of this happened because I killed myself… So please don’t think suicide is the answer because it isn’t. It doesn’t end the pain, it just passes it down to everyone that loves you. You are so loved and you’re not alone.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline- 1 (800)-273-8255

585 thoughts on “The day I killed myself.”

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  1. Okay I suffer depression and I have made myself better don’t even think anyone isn’t worth living and suicide don’t solve the problem only let’s it. Win and my heart and soul goes out to here family I’m sorry her parents walked in to this

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    1. I am 21 and attempted suicide last year. My mom and little brother found me and made me throw up some of the pills. I’ve come a good bit but still have a long way to go. I’m in college and working a full time job that makes life stressful.

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  2. I am very depressed. Even tried suicide a couple times. It’s a very hard sickness to deal with. I have four kids and can’t see them without me. I’m fighting a battle everyday with no one to talk to. Cause no one really understand.

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    2. Keisha, I’m a single mom of 6. I understand how you feel and wanted to know if you could contact me. Tessa Ellyson on Facebook. I hope you see this.

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    3. Someone does understand. Talk to someone and be totally honest, not so much with them but with you. No one can relate because no one knows about it if you haven’t told them. Don’t suffer in silence, it only makes it worst. Im praying for your healing. Blessings to you!

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    6. Hi, Kiesha, my name is also Kiesha and I to have 4 children. I have battled with depression since I was younger and their are others who do understand. You are not alone, ever! I know it feels that way but everyday is a new day for a redo, a new start. I dont know you but you have a listening ear over this way!

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    9. I too suffer depression and have 4 kids I can’t imagine their lives without me. I don’t want to kill myself but it’s in the back of my mind a lot. I have seen my family dr for years concerning it. She said having a mental illness is no different than a physical illness. If you have high blood pressure you take medicine to control it. My body doesn’t make the chemicals it needs to keep depression away. I take Prozac,it helps a lot. I can tell when I’m not on it. The sadness comes back… please see a dr! You may have to try several prescriptions to find just the right one for you. Please do it for yourself and your kids!!

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    11. I don’t know you my sister but I’m always ready to talk to people and God is always there. Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. Look me up on Facebook and send me a friend request. I would love to talk to you and anybody else that need someone . Deja king white

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    13. Kiesha, just a reminder that you are loved!!! I’m sure u mean the world to your children. Once we become mothers, we give up the right to put ourselves first. Your kids come first. They need you. Don’t forget that. Keep your head high sis!! You are a Queen. Embrace yourself. Love yourself. You will be blessed!!! ❤👑😉

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    14. If you feel you can’t talk to family or friends because your embarrassed or unsure the reaction or judgement, did you know if you text 741741 when you are feeling really depressed or suicidal, a crisis worker will text with you? Many people don’t like talking on the phone and are more comfortable texting. It’s a free service run by Crisis Text Line. Get the help you need. COPY & SHARE please.
      #mentalhealthawareness #SuicideCrisisCenter
      #youarenotalone
      Could one friend please copy and repost? We are trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening.
      💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
      #SuicideAwareness
      1-800-273-8255

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    15. You are wrong keisha God cares He cares so much that He sent His only Son Jesus to die so that you can live. Jesus loves and cares for you. Talk to Jesus He will listen and yes He understands more than you can imagine. Talk to Jesus as you would talk to a friend, He is always beside you He is knocking on your heart’s door open up and let Him in. Jesus loves you.

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    17. That’s where faith comes in. Jesus is the only one who cares or understands and can change things. We go to anyone and anything else. But at the end of the day trust Him. He promises never to leave you. He promises He understands. He promises if we die to ourselves and live for Him it is peace and true life. It’s not easy because you’ll be persecuted. Satan won’t stop after you but Christ stops Him. It sounds trite but believe me—go to Christ and put a bubble around you of godly friends. You will get through it.

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    18. Keisha plz sweetie message me. I don’t want you to be feeling alone. I’m a mother of 4, grandmother of 10, been married 49 years to a wonderful man but i also have deep depression. I know there are ppl that care and I will be one!!

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    22. you would be very surprised just how many people do understand , i too have had to deal with depression for most of my life on and off, and i have learnt you need to talk to someone if not family then a stranger even on the phone it does help , once you do that its the turning point to getting better , i have recognised that when i get depression i can turn it around and get myself feeling better , you too can do this over time and speaking to someone is the first step . i hope you do get the help you need , good luck xx

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    23. Keisha, i know that you don’t know me but please know that i am here for you if you need me. I’m a 33 year old mother of two who is also depressed more than normal but couldn’t imagine taking myself away from my children. If you would like to talk, please let me know and i can send you my number.

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    24. Stay strong my love you are here for a reason if need a lending ear I’m here and I don’t know you but I’m a mother and I can’t stand to hear things Ike this

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    25. I have been there myself. Please consider trying an antidepressant until finding one that works. It can save your life. It saved mine.

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    26. Well my sister i do not kmow what you are going thru however i do know what it feels like to loose someone so close to you that it seems you can’t or how you gonna make it. Think about loosing your only child i had a daughter whom dies of encephalitis age 12. My best friend we were like sisters i was the best mom that anyone could ask for she praised dance song in the choir cheerlead and much more. She would tell u the best book to read is the bible the best friens to have is jesus her name was Iyanna Mo’nea Beard. Always remember if nothing else God won’t ever leave you or forsake you just look to hills for which cometh your help. Call on him when there is nothing or no one else he knows and see all. Also remember your kids didnt ask to be here and it will be very selfish if you left them here alone this world is cruel enough just amagine life without you. You can’t say you will see them again because once you take your own life there is no way but down. So please keep that in mind and id ever u need someone to talk to i am a call away. (727)623-8627.

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    27. Keisha
      You can always contact me. I understand. How old are your children?
      Go to a church, contact the suicide prevention line just to talk to them. I will try to help you. Pray every minute, take vitamins, get blood work done, it may be something that can be relieved.
      Contact me on here and I would love to listen. I have been in that place. I truly understand the depths of HELL on earth.

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    28. I do understand. I tried to take my life 3 months ago. I have dealt with depression my whole life and I am 50 now. It’s is very hard to find people that understand.

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    29. Keep fighting girl. You’ve got this, you are loved and there are people who will listen if you talk, and there is a better future for you❤️

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    31. Kiesha, have you tried getting som serious counciling? My prayers are with you. I suffered with depression for years
      My faith and fasting got me delivered for good….seek dome counciling along with praying for guidance….I wish you well.

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    34. Keisha, sweetie, I love you! I’m here for you! I hear you! You’ll beat this one day. you can follow me on twitter/IG @ mosthateddes__ if you ever need to talk.

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    38. Keisha, the one thing that you have said that made me send you a reply is the fact that you have 4 kids. Now your tell everyone in your post that “No one really understand”. Well Keisha, I’m in my 40’s and I do understand. I’ve been where you are. Do you believe in a higher power? If not, no worries, because your kids has unconditional love for their mom, and if you leave, who would care for them? When I was going through my moments, I had no kids on my own, and still don’t but had a niece, and nephews looking towards me. The kids are innocent and didn’t ask to be here. They are looking for you to be their light and guide. Don’t ruining that for them. They need you more than even dad. Think about this, and I’m going to tell you my story from being young to just put this in your life and I hope that you feel me, well I’m trying. My mom and dad was spiting up. I have 3 brothers and a sister. They was sitting at the table one afternoon after school, I’ll never forget it, like it happen yesterday. They had tears in their eyes. My dad asked us, and he knew that we are coo-co crazy about him even to this day who would we wanted to live with? All 5 of us wanted to go with my mom, and I’m very close with my dad, the only other man that I love other than my brothers and husband. He understood because the kids learn from their mom. So with that being said, the kids need YOU! I’m not leaving nothing else but this message and hope that you read this. I’m so sick and tired of the others with nothing positive to say. You are special and don’t let nothing put you down, and if the kids father is not acting right, the saying goes when you miss one bus, it’s another one coming and most times on schedule. Stay strong, because kids don’t stay little forever

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    39. Kiesha. You sound just like me. It gets to where I don’t feel like I’m even good for my kids to be around me. I have been battling it for 35 years and still don’t know how much longer I can hang on. I feel your pain.

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    40. You are not alone. People may not understand your experience but I understand “pain” & “isolation” of depression. There is HOPE for you. Can you SEE IT?

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    43. I understand and pulled thru my aniexty and depression message me if you want to talk. I can help. Good luck and God bless you

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    49. It will be okay Keisha!!! If you believe in God, Christ Jesus!!! It is all the enemy!!! You have to be strong spiritually and equipped mentally!! The devil is a Liar, and seeks to devour the week and the unawakened!! I was once suical as a young girl!! Through faith in Christ, I still manage to maintain my sanity. I still get depressed, feelings at times. It will be a constant battle, so you must be strong. There is no Eternal life, for those who commit suicide!! It’s Self Condemnation!! You can not take life, that God has given you!! It is very selfish!!! Whatever it is you are going through, it’s temporary and will surpass. Don’t allow Satan to disturb your thoughts, and control your emotions. All will be just fine!! Pray and accept Jesus Christ, as your Lord and Savior. He will heal, comfort, and deliver you.

      From Las Vegas, Nevada

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    50. You can ALWAYS contact me! I had a friend commit suicide and I made a promise that I will NEVER make myself unavailable to ANYONE looking for help! I love you!!

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  3. It amazes me that ppl that don’t know you try to tell you that you’re beautiful, loved, cared for, etc. But I deal with this on a daily basis. I have multiple mental illnesses one being bipolar disorder/manic depression. I’ve found things that work to better my life but sometimes it’s the ppl in our lives that need some education on how to deal with those of us who are like this. There are alot of things my family does that only makes things worse and those suicidal thoughts stronger!!

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  4. I have been down for years won’t to kill myself don’t care about myself people hurting me and don’t care about how I feel they just keep going on doing what ever they won’t and my heart keep beating I ask God why did you put me here to just to be hurt cause I can’t get up thinking today’s is going to be a good day when I do am crying in bed am asking myself why am I here I can’t answer myself I just keep going I know how it feels to not to be loved and know cares about you am that women to but I do have kids and grandkids and I do think about them not having me here so am here waiting to see what another day is going to bring me more hurt or I just going to give up I don’t know anymore …thanks for listening…

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    2. I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. I too have depression and understand the struggle. I wish our families understood how we felt. But take it from me suicide is NOT the answer. You are only passing the hurt along to people you love the most. You are forever changing their lives and generations to come! Don’t ever give up, fight everyday because even though you may not feel it, people do love and need you. God Bless you, stay strong!

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    3. Hi Hilda!
      You are a beautiful person in and put. You are loved too. God has you here because to help others that suffer just like you. Trust, pray and read your Bible. God is with you all the time. 19 years ago I was torn apart. 2 ladies sent in my life showed and told me how God loves me through His word. I use that and my life that I went through as a testimony to help others with their crisis that they are going through. That’s what is wrong ppl look for love through man. We need to look for love through God. He will save us from all things not man. Look for Hos approval not man. Man will let you down. God will not. Even if you don’t think He is there He is. There will be times that He won’t answer right away because He wants to see if you will Trust and obey Him. Also it may not be the timing to give you what you want Him to do. O will pray for you and what you are struggling with. God bless you beautiful person. God loves you!

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    5. Sometimes in life we worry so much we beat ourselves up over things that are meant to make us STRONG!! Just pray and don’t ever think you are alone! We have to start by taking control over our lives and thoughts! I know it can be hard but try and go few hours or days with turning every negative thought to a positive one!

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  5. I have been there. Depression hit me when I was 12 years old after my dad died. I became suicidal and tried killing mysellf numerous time. So my mom sent me to a child psychologist which then they put me on medication which made me more depressed. I’m doing better I still have a hard time expressing how I feel sometimes.

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    1. Lord Jesus I pray for Shannon that she would be able to see your purpose for her life. Please make it very clear to her. Remind her how loved she is and that the enemy wants only to steal her joy. Lord I pray you would heal her from the spirit of depression and hopelessness. Let her begin to start feeling the love that you have for her and in those moments when the enemy wants to tell her lies please wrap your arms around so that she can feel your presence and you that you are only a prayer away. Your plan is to prosper her and not to harm her it’s to give her hope and and a future. Continue to make all things new in her life. This I pray in Jesus name.

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    2. Even though you may not feel like people love you, you love them. Committing suicide means you are just passing your hurt into those people you love. My brother committed suicide and it destroyed our family and forever changed it. Please hold on and stay strong. Take just one day at a time. I am praying for you and will continue to. God Bless you Shannon and know somebody does care about you.

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    3. I have had those thoughts too but it’s not what I really want or u either I bet. We just want this feeling to be taken away. U r not alone

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    6. No. Do Not Do That Ever Again!!! Your life matters!! Someone loves you. U need to pray for mental strength. Pray for that!!! It will get better. If you believe. Blessings will come.

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    7. Shannon, and I will start praying for you to see another day, continue praying God will see you through these dark days, your prayers will be of thanks for not letting you die, he has a bigger and better plans for you.
      Love you with the love of God.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
      Stay strong Shannon God loves you.❤😘

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    8. Shannon… This broke my heart! you are his child and are loved in more ways than you could imagine… If you need someone to talk with my KIK is Kitty1180 please reach out.

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    9. You are here for a reason! It may be no big deal to you but someone somewhere will need you in a major way! Pray for comfort you are amazing never forget that!!!

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  7. If you feel you can’t talk to family or friends because your embarrassed or unsure the reaction or judgement, did you know if you text 741741 when you are feeling really depressed or suicidal, a crisis worker will text with you? Many people don’t like talking on the phone and are more comfortable texting. It’s a free service run by Crisis Text Line. Get the help you need. COPY & SHARE please.
    #mentalhealthawareness #SuicideCrisisCenter
    #youarenotalone
    Could one friend please copy and repost? We are trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening.
    💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
    #SuicideAwareness
    1-800-273-8255

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    1. I think you should also put out there that it is annomys.
      People may think someone will be knocking at there door.

      I know I thought about these posts being traced, etc.

      I lost a child 16, I mentioned that I could not live without her and police were at my door. I was so afraid of missing her funeral that I tried to act normal.
      Just saying

      Love the Text

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  8. Reading all these comments and all i see are excuses. Ive been on depression med for about 4 years now and theres good and bad days but never once have i thought about killing myself. You have to fight through it and try ro make the best of everyday. I have a wife amd child that would be absolutely crushed if i wasnt here. I would never do that ro them. Ive had driw ds and family members commit suicide amd ive lost respect for them all. Its the single most selfish thing anyone can do. Amd this post is bullshit what could a teenager possibly be that depressed about. Has a parent i make sure i tell my son that no matter what happens to cone talk to me and we’ll find a resolution for his problem. And dont ever think about killing yourself because only selfish assholes do that.

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    1. Really this coming from an arrogant, all knowing person. When a person kills themselves its not selfish.

      Its simple at that moment they just want the pain to end because its so overwhelming intensified to where its unbearable.

      A teenagers depressiom can get that low. Who are u to judge.

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    2. You have NO right telling anyone they can be depressed or NOT, Teenagers face struggles as well as adults, and the MIND plays TRICKS, the struggle to them may not be a struggle to you and Vise Versa, It is a selfish act in my opinion, HOWEVER, some people have not the strength or will and that my friends is ALL of our faults, WE are NOT kind anymore, we are a hateful Society which compounds the pressures that one may feel.. the world will never be a better place because we like being hateful to one another and can’t see when someone may need our help..PERIOD!

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    3. As someone who suffers from depression, I seriously can’t believe you actually asked what a teen has to be that depressed about. Obviously you don’t understand your own disease and need to become better educated. Smh

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    4. As I agree with suicide being selfish, people with a MENTAL issue can’t always see what is considered ‘morally’ wrong. You can’t limit mental illness to old people. I lost my brother to severe depression right before he was turning 35 and you’re very wrong about teenagers having nothing to worry about. You’re judging an entire generation without talking to people. I come from Detroit and many teenagers I know are homeless or barely making enough money to buy themselves dinner. Truthfully you don’t know whats going on in anyone’s life let alone their mind. As selfless as my brother was, he had over 300 people come to his funeral and he would have had more if people if they weren’t out of state. You have no idea how much trauma a person has gone through and just because you lack feelings to whatever happened to you in your life doesn’t mean other people have to be the same. I get it, a lot of people are more sensitive than they need to be, and I get people will do terrible shit and really… Some will say they have depression when they’re just having a bad day, but for the rest of us suffering constantly.. You just don’t understand what some people have been through. Have an open mind because the most ignorant people regardless of age are the ones who live in a close minded world.

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    5. And only selfish people attack others. You have no place to place others. None.

      Teenagers are statically more prone to suicide than adults.

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    6. I had an 18 yr old brother do this and succeeded in killing his self .. they are not assholes , he was deeply loved by his whole family , a mind is a fragile body part and we just never know what it’s going to do .. or how someone truly feels .. everyone’s mind works differently and everyone has their own battles in life .. although at times we may of thought it was selfish , he could just not hold on any longer … I wish there was a way we could stop this and help all who feel down .. I hope you do well

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    7. Where is you heart. You can’t just tell someone to suck it up it doesn’t work that way. It’s not fair to say they are selfish aholes. What if it were one of your children. Just saying

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    8. Ok , everyone has their moments but not everyone is like you. Some people have a harder time dealing with depression even with medication. Please don’t pass judgement on them . I congratulate you on your efforts to live a better life for your family , pray all that is well with you.

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    9. Not everyone things like you! Depression is a mental illness that everyone is not strong enough to overcome. So for you today this is bullshit is so mean, just like someone could have everything someone could ask for and still not be happy, that teenager might feel like something is missing. Some teenagers don’t have the same love and support as other. Just because they are teenagers don’t mean they dont go through things.

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  9. My father committed suicide when my siblings and I were at a young age. I am now 69 yrs old and it took me many years to understand he was bipolar and to forgive him. He was a Methodist minister loved the Lord did many good and loving carrying things in his life BUT he felt the more you do for people they will turn around and kick you in the teeth. He quit the Ministry and this added to his termoral and of course ours as well. He knew we had a capable loving Mother and loving supportive friends and family but misjudged his worth due to his depression . Please seek council and trust those of us who have been through losing a loved one to suicide .

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  10. I so feel the same way at times. SUICIUDE is like the bew trend now. Im depressed allot because of my brother whom was like a son to me passed away almost 3 years ago and then my neice baby also passed away last month. Majority of my dad’s family either dont like me or hate me. Ive grown up allk my life in silence and being the blk sheep of the family. I agree that i hate my self and life sometimes and yes ive tried committing suicide a couple times and ended up in rehab abd ect…. ive always said that i would never try that again EVER! But sometimes, i feel the urge to take myself off of the face of this earth for good. Next time you think about treating someone wrong, hurting someone, bully someone, or just abandoned them…. think about if they were your child, sister/brother, aunt, uncle, spouse, or friend. Would you be ok loosing them for ever? Pay really close attention to their mood, lifestyle, or concerns. You might be able to get them help, before its to late. Coming from an women in need of some help. 😔

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    1. Life gets sooo tough I understand, people may not like you but if we stay focused on who don’t like us we want ever learn to like ourselves! Please let me know if you would like to talk I can give you my information🤗

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  11. I suffer from depression,anxiety and I’m bipolar! A great situation not! I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times with razor blades and knives. I felt like everyone would be better without me that I was a burden. It’s mental illness a disease. I’ve been told by my husband to get over it! Not very encouraging. One day about 6 yrs ago I took myself to the hospital and told them I didn’t want to be here anymore. They helped me and the doctors changed my medications AGAIN! This sickness requires medication not mind over matter like I’ve been told before. A couple of months ago after we lost our home I thought about killing myself again except this time I had a gun. But I managed to hold on and think about my children and grandchildren and that stopped me. It kept me holding on. I still was unable to get out of bed or take a shower because I didn’t care at that point but o was still here. It’s a daily struggle to get out of bed and go to work and put a happy face on and act like everything is fine. But the weekends I hit the bed again until Monday! I have a shrink but I lie because I don’t want to be committed again. But it’s hard and it’s a daily struggle. Since I’m bipolar depressive my medications don’t always work. This article was wonderful it helped me realize that I’m not alone in my feelings about being a burden to others and not wanting to go on. But I force myself too because of the kids. Suicide is a horrible reality not selfish because when you are in so much pain it seems like the only option you have. So I understand what a lot of you are feeling I’ve been there and it’s a struggle! Not being selfish!!! Don’t put people down! We are already down! The selfish remarks just hurt us not help us! I have friends thank god who check on me and love me and they try to understand! Which is great and has helped me in times of crisis. I take my meds faithfully and sometimes they help! Try finding a friend or friends who love you and understand the struggle we go through I find that is what has kept me here on Earth.

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    1. I suffer with depression anxiety on a daily basics. I take my Meds daily . But sometimes it doesn’t work. But I have to tell myself don’t go there. I know my love ones would be devistated. My daughter , sister and husband keeps me from going there. Three weeks ago my daughter express to me how it affects her. She recalls feeling helpless when she found me trying to take my life. She was only 6 yrs old back than She now 31 yrs and still lives in fear every time she sees me going into a deep depression. It broke my heart just to hear her how it affects her. Her telling me this keeps me from going there.. I have so many family and friends that would be efffected by me killing myself. I know it will comes to a surprise to my friends and some family members me expressing this on Facebook. But if helps just one person and keeps others from doing the unthinkable . By keeping your feeling to yourself are feeling so along and miss understood. Depression is a illness but it can be controlled. By taking your Meds getting help from a professional. But most of all staying prayed up. Just think of something you thought was so unbearable .But the lord got you though it. You’re blessed just take one hour or second at a time. I ask God to take this feeling away from me. And make sure you’re surround yourself with positive individual and family members. Express fears to someone. .There local churches with pray lines. I find that sometime it’s easier to express how you feel to a neutral individual . Know that God is always a pray away.

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  12. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have had an awful time with depression. I have struggled for years dealing with it. Your words are real. I hope you have found some peace in this crazy world. Your words are so helpful. I hope to never get to that point even though I think about it all the time

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    2. Terrible comment it’s not about others it’s about the person who is controlled by an ill mind. What would YOU tell a diabetic or kidney failure patient?????
      Please watch your tongue. Mentally depressed are in enough guil, pain, and hundreds of other feelings. They are surviving min by min. Be careful of your
      Judgement. There’s enough pain associated with this. No more needed!!!!!

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  15. Hope you are still surviving because God🌣 is able.
    Trust in God and he will truly bring you through.🌣
    And go get professional help.🌣
    Love you,🌣
    And Jesus love you too.🌣
    🌝

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  16. Depression is very serious especially when you have had it since you were young. Nothing seems right. You really have no friends or family or even the ones that says they love you. They are not, don’t believe that they turn and stab your back. No. One is trust worthy. I have so much my head feels like a you. Maybe some day it will get better. This story about this young lady I pictured myself several times in doing that. I look up and ask my angels to come and get me as well. My true family lies up in heaven. So depression is very much a sickness that maybe someday will be cured

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  17. Depression,stress,fear are related. All of these factors weren’t given by our creator, God. He gave us life to enjoy it more abundantly. He sent his son to a deviled world so that we could live this life in this world in love with this gift of life and knowing our creator has a plan for our lives. Everything you experience in this life may not always be like you want or even dreamed,but instead of focusing on things that you feel are the worst things happening to you, hold on, turn that into a positive. They just might be the best thing for your good to come about. God is working in your behalf as you’re going through. Be still trust and believe that he’ll work it out. He promised he’ld never leave you. If you haven’t called on God. Call on him Now. He wants a relationship with you. There is a light at the end of every tunnel and all your fears. God bless you. He loves you.

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  18. Any advice please? My son has told me of his plans to kill himself. he’s 24. I have tried everything from reasoning, pleading to arguing. The mental health service in the UK sucks. He has tried previously and all they did was talk to him in the A&E dept. then sent us on our way. He was prescribed pills, that did nothing but help him sleep at night. He wont go back to the GP. I have asked him to talk to the Samaritans but he refuses saying his mind is made up. I know the Police wont care, because I saved a teenager from jumping off a bridge a few years ago, he was known to them for petty crime. When I reported it they said as clear as day that I should of let him jump. I am at my wits end.

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  19. Reading all these comments truly breaks my heart. I have never suffered from depression or thought about hurting myself. I can’t relate or begin to imagine the hurt, pain and loneliness you are going through to get to the point of suicide. Please know that there is always someone willing to listen to you, to help, and love regardless of how lonely you feel.

    Please, please seek help. If you feel you can’t talk to family or friends because your embarrassed or unsure the reaction or judgement, did you know if you text 741741 when you are feeling really depressed or suicidal, a crisis worker will text with you? Many people don’t like talking on the phone and are more comfortable texting. It’s a free service run by Crisis Text Line. Get the help you need. COPY & SHARE please.
    #mentalhealthawareness #SuicideCrisisCenter
    #youarenotalone
    Could one friend please copy and repost? We are trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening.
    💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
    #SuicideAwareness
    1-800-273-8255

    Like

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  21. I’ll never forget Erma Bombeck a Columnist writing “Suicide is a PERMANENT “solution” to a TEMPORARY “problem” … All Situations ARE Temporary or Dealt w/somehow! So NOT worth taking ur Life n having Loved Ones Suffer! I tell My 4 Children that to remember they r Loved and if bothered by anyone to lmk or brush it off as We live on a Speck of Dust on World Map of an area n Driving just 15 Miles ANY Direction puts one in an area of 1000s of New People to be present n involved with etc. A NEW Community a NEW Slate! The World is So BIG!!! Much Adventure n Beauty in Landscapes n Cultures to Experience n Embrace! We should be almost Sad really to think of how SHORT Life really is so Make the MOST of Each Day! Be grateful to God n Pray! He sees us thru anything n Faith is what needed too! I hope this can be of help to All who read this! You r a GIFT from God so APPRECIATE it and SMILE n Make the Best of it! There r many who hv less opportunity or ability so be GEATEFUL! 💖🙏🏼💙

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  22. I have a 6 year old son that is the only thing keeping me alive ….For the last 10 months I’ve been dealing with none stop severe cronic migraines and back pain having trouble with processing and remember things and can barely stay awake, the pain in my back has gotten so bad I can no longer wear a bra. Also have been loosing my hair because of the medication…. I lost my job…. and I’m only 24…. I am ready to give up

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  23. I’ve been going through depression too, since I lost my dad 3 years ago on Father’s day and my mom 1year ago on her birthday day has been so hard for me. I try not show it but deep down inside I’m dying. I have 4 children and I love them more then life itself. I’m Trying my hardest to beat this disease I hate feeling this way. And with God ony side I know I can beat it. The devil will not beat me

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  24. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety and bipolar since 2000 when my brother died in a hospital mistake!!! After my brother died my dad kinda treated me different and one day he got so mad at me cause I asked him if he was OK and he said clear as day “your better off dead than alive they took the wrong child” so I over dosed on my ADHD meds and traced it with tylonal and thank god I threw must of them back up cause that is the reason why I’m still here!!! From that day forward me and my dad were very close and I could always count on him for anything, but sadly in 2005 he died waiting on a liver transplant, and I hit rock bottom again, I ended up in the hospital and came out a changed person for the good!!! Now I’m 36 and I have three beautiful kids that keep me going, cause with out them being here I wouldn’t be here!!!

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  26. Sometimes things are just not that simple. I’ve suffered with depression for many years. I’ve been dealt a very crappy hand, including but not limited to my daughter being murdered and then my mother dying 3 weeks later. I know people love and care for me. I know my friends are here for me. No I do not want to die today…but when my brother told me two days ago that he was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer, I wanted to check out. I think about dying everyday and I have to find my own reasons to stay. Telling people who suffer from this how selfish they are isn’t helping…they don’t want to hear that. They have real demons they are fighting, trust me I know. We already know those left behind will be hurt, but sometimes the agony of staying here hurts even more. Believe me, I am not in anyway way encouraging suicide, I’m just saying stop trying to beat sense into sick people, it doesn’t help. A lot of the times I’ve wanted to go, I’ve honestly felt that my family would have been better off than to see me angry and crying constantly. Depression and mental illness is very real and instead of posting these stories where you think a dead persons thoughts maybe try coming up with more help for those who are suffering. I’m lucky, I’m also in the medical field, I know when and where to go for help. I know when the burden is to heavy for me to carry. Some people I know do not. I try to talk to them. I tell them what I know and give names. I’ve guided at least one with PTSD and that person, talks to a therapist, is now medicated and stable. But again shaming people will only drive them into darkness when they have their demons swirling in their heads and hurtful words thrown at them outside their heads. Keep that in mind.

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  27. f you feel you can’t talk to family or friends because your embarrassed or unsure the reaction or judgement, did you know if you text 741741 when you are feeling really depressed or suicidal, a crisis worker will text with you? Many people don’t like talking on the phone and are more comfortable texting. It’s a free service run by Crisis Text Line. Get the help you need. COPY & SHARE please.
    #mentalhealthawareness #SuicideCrisisCenter
    #youarenotalone
    Could one friend please copy and repost? We are trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening.
    💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
    #SuicideAwareness
    1-800-273-8255

    Like

    Reply

  28. My brother committed suicide 4 years ago. He left behind a wife, two beautiful children, myself, my mom and ton of other family and friends who loved him so much and miss him every single day!!! I can honestly say I never saw this coming! Reading and hearing about people committing suicide or wanting to makes me so unimginably sad for not only them, but he loved ones they may leave behind someday if they decide to go through with it. Suicide definitely does not end internal struggle with depression!! It’s passed on and lived every day by the people left behind! I wish I could’ve gotten my brother to see that…not sure if it was wouldve made a difference, but I wish!!

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  30. I too suffer form depression and bipolar and it is very hard to deal with especially alone. I always feel like I have nobody to talk to or to just listen to me as I just let go of whatever is hurting me or bothering me. My depression is very strong and I fight hard to control it everyday but it’s beyond hard. I have suicidal thoughts but I haven’t acted on them (yet) and I say that because it gets very tempting at times but I always think about what and who I’m leaving behind if I do that to myself. I pray everyday that the lord heals me inside and out. Depression is a very hard struggle and deadly battle to face alone.

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  32. I struggle too. I too have thought of suicide many times. Sometimes I just don’t care about anything anymore. Other days I manage to work, take care of my kids when they are with me every other week and clean my house many times it’s a struggle to wash, shave, eat. I’ve tried all anti depressants and they made me suicidal. Every day brings on a new challenge. The depression has brought on physical pain that’s aggravated by stress. I cope by keeping my “Facebook Face” on. Perfect family. Perfect life. Perfect home. It’s exhausting. My fave activity? Staring at the ceiling for hours at a time. Sometimes when I feel well I go for a walk or talk on the phone but I have learned not to mention my inner demons. Whenever I try to talk about what bothers me, people scatter. They say “just get over it, you have a roof over your head, a good boyfriend, lovely kids, no Debts, blah blah blah”. Well, I still feel like crap and I still don’t want to live much of the time. Hopefully things improve. ISB love to be “normal” again.

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    1. You should never feel like you have hold your demons in! I’m here to help and my blog is here to help. Please please please keep fighting! I promise you it gets better, just look at how far I’ve come.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  33. Hello everybody, I too suffer from bipolar depression and it’s a real sickness that requires medical attention. I was recently diagnosed almost 2 months ago. Their age actually people that cares so before it goes to far in priced please seek help. I once though of suicide a few times, even with my kids in the car. But somebody heard my cry and the doctors contacted me and immediately placed me on meds. It’s getting better but it’s still a challenge from day to day. Just don’t give up.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  34. Woah! That was incredible. Very powerful. Brilliant writing! I loved that. I loved the route you took to get your idea across. Brilliant. You should do something with this. Many people should read this. See if “The Mighty” would publish it for you. I think they would. Awesome. Thank you for writing this. I would like to reblog this. Hugs, Sue

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. You are very welcome and by the way I only speak (write lol) the truth. Your writing is wonderful. Brilliant. Keep doing what you are doing. Your words matter and will continue to make a difference and help many. Thank you for you. Have a happy, healthy and fabulous day. Much love, Sue

        Liked by 1 person

  37. It’s been almost 2 years since my last suicide attempt. I used to feel as if the whole world was against me. Like everyone looked past me instead of directly at me. Sad to say it took for my mother to tackle me with a gun in my hand to realize something was actually wrong with her child and from then on it’s been a struggling battle but I’m happy to say I am finally starting to win. For anyone who feels as if it is the end of the line and there’s no where left to turn, take your hand and put it directly over your heart. Find your pulse and once you find it, you’ve found your purpose. Your never alone all you have to do is look past the darkness to find that light, it may be hard but it surely will get easier.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  39. Im 24 and still dealing with depression i have been since I was 15 I get help and see a therapist every week I also have children and a husband I started off with self harm getting admitted into hospitals and at the beginning of this year I tried to kill my self by overdose my husband took me to the hospital I threw up while I was there it was a horrible feeling and looking at everyone around me and my children I realized how selfish I was being and im trying to focus more on them it’s not easy but it’s better now than it was before I still have my days but being here with my babies looking at them being happy helps me ,they are my safe haven I hope this story helps some one

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  40. Suicide is not fucking selfish and fuck this writing for saying it is. This guilt trip bullshit is disgusting. I had no interest in reading anything else that had to be said after that one sentence because it’s insulting as FUCK!!! THINK before you SPEAK.

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    1. Honestly I’m so sorry you feel that hateful towards me. I shared my personal experience with suicide, and everyones experience is different, and you have the nerve to be vulgar towards me? Maybe you should think before you speak.

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  41. Ok as someone who almost did commit suicide this is terrible. I’m sorry I know you’re trying to tell others this is not the route to go but putting all of the blame on her doesn’t make it better. People don’t just kill themselves and think “oh I’m going to ruin everyone’s life”, I personally thought I’d make everyone’s life’s better that’s what depression does. It makes you think everyone hates you and you don’t matter. People can tell you they love you with all their hearts but your depression thinks back to the times they yelled/got mad at you. No one should commit suicide but some people don’t have people they truly think they can go to or can even get the help they need. People who even do get help still commit suicide. We need to make people who have depression feel like it’s not their fault instead of guilt trip them.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I am the author of this blog, this post is about me, I am not dead. I attempted suicide but not succeed. This is from the POV of if I HAD succeeded in my suicide attempt. Everyone is getting very confused and not understand the whole reason I posted this blog post.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  42. As the author and writer of this blog, I’m so sick and tired of people making the most rude comments about MY personal experience with suicide. I made the comment that suicide was “selfish” of ME. This isn’t your experience so it doesn’t apply to you. It’s very discouraging that I keep getting these nasty comments a full year later. Im not dead, I am alive, so yes I can see these comments. This was from the POV if had ended up succeeded in my attempt. I get that when I write these blogs I am exposed to rude comments but this is a very personal story I wanted to share, this is my story. So please keep your ugly comments to yourself or you’re getting blocked. Simple.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Suicide is selfish, I agree 100%. And sorry to hear your getting rude comments about it, but people should be supportive. I’m here for you girl and I hear you. You’re not alone.

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  43. I myself, being a suicide survivor, dont think suicide is selfish. I was in such a deep dark place that I truly believed everyone, including my 2 sons, would be better off without me. I just celebrated my 11 year “Birthday ” on September 11th. I do thank God every day for not being successful in my attempt to end my life. I am bipolar II-depressive and I have been on many different meds since my diagnosis. I have been hospitalized 4 times now. The last one was a little over a year ago. I had been in a downhill spiral due to a few different things for the previous 4 months. I had tried to get my meds adjusted but the psychiatrist I was seeing was very conservative about making changes. On the night of the anniversary of my dad’s birthday, he had been gone almost 15 years. I had the thought that I had 60 xanax sitting in my living room..my husband had just picked up my refill..how easy it would be to just take them. I am blessed with an awesome therapist and she was readily available and called me. I took the phone to my husband in bed and together they got me into an inpatient hospital. I was able to make significant changes in my meds and I am doing so much better now. Thank you for sharing your story and letting me share mine.

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  46. I am 33 years old and have tried to take my life many times. I wasnt always depressed but when my wife left me and took my two little girls from me i hit rock bottom. What was the point in life if i couldnt be a daddy. My sole purpose and desire has always been to be a good father. With all that gone i fell into a severe heroin addiction and on june 26th 2017 i intentionally overdosed on heroin with the thought that ot would be better for my daughters if there dad was in heaven instead of thinking i abandoned them. I woke up 3 weeks later as i was on life support and in a coma. I laid on the grown for 16 hours and that left my leg severely damaged and rotted most of the muscle in my thigh. My kidnies shut down and i was on permanent dialysis. I spent 4 months in the hospital in the Traumatic Brajn Injury Unit as i had severe brajn damage. The doctors saud id be a permanent vegetable and id never walk again as they had to taje my leg off. I did all i could to take my life but God intervened. God stepped in and saved my life and in doing so He let me know he has something for me to do. A purpose in life, whatever that may be, i now wake up every day trying to do whatever it is God would have me do and alot of that involves helping others in the same place i was. To make a long story short, im not brajn dead and recovered fully as far as my brain and kidnies go. I still have both legs and i can walk today but have a limp. I said all that to say this, if your alive and breathing, God has you here for a reason. If He didnt have a reason i fully believe He will take us when that purpose has been accomplished. Depression is absolutely aweful, but ive found that in the dark times that God never left me and gas always been there and He knows exactly how i feel. If uoud like to talk please email me at Brandoncrash5@gmail.com

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  48. I get that this is supposed to be inspirational but honestly all you’ve done is make people who are suicidal feel even worse about how they are feeling. Telling them that they’re only going to ruin everything if they kill themselves is not going to make them feel better. It isn’t about the people around them. It’s about them. They were the one struggling. They were the one who already felt like everything was messed up, and they couldn’t bear it. For you to think this would help anyone in that state of mind is ridiculous. Sorry, but you’re the selfish person in if you make someone else’s suicide about you and how you feel about it. Suicide is not selfish. To the person feeling that way, it is the only option they have left and most of the time people who are suicidal feel like the world would be better off without them in it. This story is not sympathetic, and in no way is it empathetic either. If someone came to me when I was planning my suicide and told me “hey, don’t kill yourself, you’re being selfish. Look at all the people you’re going to hurt.” I’d only feel worse and more guilty about my existence and I would feel like the person telling me that was yet another person who doesn’t understand what I’m feeling or how to help. Stories like this are the reason so many people still don’t understand how to help their loved ones who are feeling this way. I’m sorely disappointed with the amount of people who agree with this.

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