Dealing with constant rejection

This post is more of a, “getting my feelings out in writing”, kind of post. I have been doing really good for the most part, these past few months, just minor hiccups, but nothing really major and traumatic has happened, thankfully. But something has been on my heart for a while now—–and that is rejection. It seems like at least once a week I am being rejected by someone who I love and/or care about, and I’m not coping well with it. It has brought my self-esteem to an all-time low. I haven’t talked about it or acknowledged it. It has just been an observation I have been making the last 3 years. A lot of my friends have left because they felt, I wasn’t a necessary part of their life anymore. I have dealt with heartbreak after heartbreak, whether it be romantically or non-romantically. My body used to physically hurt because my heart was hurting so much, but now I’m just numb to it all. All I can think about is what is wrong with me? Why am I never good enough for the people I care so much about? Am I not a good person? I thought I was, but maybe I’m not. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have done my dirt, and I am not innocent, but none of us are. But I didn’t think I was that bad of human being for me to lose every single person I care about. Guys, I’m just tired of the constant heartache, which I know comes with life. I’m not harming myself, but I am having a hard time coping with the fact that everyone keeps telling me how they don’t need me in their lives anymore. God, what did I do? I am trying my absolute hardest to push it to the back of my mind and forget about it, but I have been thinking about this for going on 3 years now, and I’m losing someone every week, it feels like. I start getting better, and then someone comes to me with rejection and it hurts so much. It’s starting to become unbearable. Does anyone have any tips or coping mechanisms I can use to get out of this funk and learn to accept the fact rejection is completely normal? If so, please let me know In the comments 🙂 .

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5 simple healthy coping mechanisms

This was a requested post by one of my followers to do a post on different coping mechanisms, which I think is a great idea. We all struggle on coping with different situations. Some have healthy mechanisms that work perfectly for them, others, including myself, have either unhealthy coping mechanisms or none. I am going to talk about the coping mechanisms that all of us can use to better out mental health, and hopefully cut out the unhealthy ones.

The first coping mechanism is to focus on one object examine everything about it. This allows your brain to redirect itself from the negative thoughts you are having to focus solely on that object that you see in that very moment. For example, if you are at work thinking about all the stress you have, focus on the pen that is sitting in the pencil and pen holder and examine its shape, color, density, etc. This can be done with anything, anywhere, at any time. The second coping mechanism is focus on your heart rate at that very moment and count its beats per minute. While you are focusing on your heart rate you can learn to control your breathing and calm your self naturally. The faster you notice your rate is, the more you’re likely to do things to slow it down which usually includes something that relaxes you.

The third coping mechanism write down what your feeling at that exact moment. Always carry a sheet of paper and a pen with you. Write the time you’re feeling that specific emotion and write it down. Later that day, or when you get a chance to sit down, reflect on how you’re feeling what happened that made you feel that way. It makes you more self-aware by showing you your reactions to specific events, so you know what to do differently next time. The fourth mechanism is to listen to your favorite feel good song. The song you would turn on if you were in the best mood ever, if you had just won the lottery. Whichever song that is, play it repeatedly to get you out of the funk for the moment. Long enough to get you out of it temporarily so you could finish what you were doing that day. My favorite feel good song is ‘All Night’ by Beyoncé. What is yours?

The fifth and final coping mechanism is to just cry. Crying is usually seen as something sad or negative, but it isn’t. In fact, it is an action of relief. When you cry, endorphins are released in our brains that make us feel better. That is why you feel slightly better when you finish crying. Whether you’re crying about something happy or sad, just do it, and you will feel a little better. Of course, this isn’t every coping mechanism because there are hundreds out there, but these are a few positive ones that I really feel help me, and I know would help some of you.

Get your body 2019 ready!

Hi beautiful people! It’s now a new year and I know a lot of our resolutions have to do with living healthier lifestyles whether that be with eating better foods or working out more! I know one of my goals this year is to lose weight and get a better health regimen. I am a consultant for a pure ingredients company that I’ve talked about in a previous blog post. They make pure ingredient based makeup, skincare, and nutrition! There is a deal going on for the month of January where we have 50% off of the 30 day cleanse I have talked about AND you get a free gel mask, free shipping, on top of, a free item up to $98!! Who wouldn’t want that? This cleanse has worked wonders for my friends and family, and I wouldn’t recommend you guys something I didn’t believe worked. The results are unbelievable. If this is something you would be interested in doing, comment below or contact me to get started!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year beautiful people! It is day 1 of 365 which means that today is the first day to start your dreams and aspirations that you have been prolonging. Do the things you were too scared to do in 2018. Put your happiness and mental health first in 2019. Learn and work on self-love and acceptance. This is the year to go big or go home. Two-thousand nineteen is YOUR year! I am extremely excited to expand my blogging platform into something much bigger in the mental health community. I’m also very excited to get out of my comfort zone and be more productive to get what I need to get done to fulfill my dreams. I have a few new year’s resolutions that I already started working on today. What are your new years resolutions? Let me know in the comments below!

Breakups are hard. Should mental illness be used as leverage?

Breakups are never easy, whether they be friendships or romantic relationships. They ruin the glimpse of light we once had. They leave you sometimes broken, even years later. It isn’t easy coping with any type of breakup, and some handle it better than others, but wallowing in the loss of that special person, is detrimental to your mental health, and I should know, as I am still dealing with a breakup with my ex best friend that happened 2 years ago, and yet she has moved on completely.

I am doing so much better since the last time we spoke. It’s no secret that me and my mental illness were the reason for the ending of our friendship, and at the time I couldn’t see it because I blamed it solely on my mental illness. I was toxic to our friendship without even realizing. I made my problems her problems, and it took an obvious toll on her. I thought she was being hateful when she ended our friendship, but she was doing what was best for her own mental health. I was diminishing her mental health by sucking her into my illness. She will never get to know how much better I am doing, or all my accomplishments I have made in the most recent years, and I will never know hers.

Why am I still sad over it, you might ask? I am still very heartbroken because this person was my person. They were my shoulder to cry on, and the first person I thought about when I woke up. They were my absolute best friend. Some might’ve even called us family with how close were. We were never supposed to leave each other. She was going to be in my wedding, and I was going to be in hers, and now she wouldn’t flinch if something happened to me. It is so crazy how someone can go from being your everything to a stranger in the blink of an eye.

I wrote this post because some people feel they must stay in a toxic relationship with someone just because they’re mentally ill, and speaking from someone who is mentally ill, they should not fee obligated to stay in that relationship as it can be detrimental to their own mental health. Yes, it hurts when they leave because they promised they wouldn’t, but mental illness is serious, and some people just can’t handle it which is not a bad thing, at all. Do I miss our friendship? Absolutely. Do I wish she was still in my life? Of course. Will I ever move on? Eventually. But it is a process, one that took me longer than them. Mental illness should not be held over someone’s head, nor should it be overlooked.

100 things that make me smile

  1. Beyoncé
  2. The office
  3. Iced chai tea latte
  4. Bullet journaling
  5. Blogging
  6. Finding money, I thought I had lost
  7. Seeing my family when I come home from school
  8. My mom and dad smile
  9. My best friends hugs
  10. Getting my nails done
  11. Art
  12. Buying new stationary
  13. Getting new clothes
  14. Finally paying off a bill
  15. Getting a good grade on a hard assignment/test
  16. Cuddling my dog
  17. Listening to a new album
  18. Getting a new phone case
  19. Reading devotionals
  20. Face masks
  21. Naps
  22. Scary movies
  23. Halloween
  24. Christmas
  25. Going to target
  26. Researching anything
  27. Cleaning my room
  28. Fresh sheets
  29. Candles
  30. Jesus
  31. Amusement parks
  32. Disney World
  33. Warm clothes
  34. Ice water
  35. Kerry Washington
  36. The show Scandal
  37. Smell of paint
  38. Makeup
  39. Glitter
  40. Talking to my mom on the phone
  41. A stocked fridge
  42. Crew necks & hoodies
  43. Going to the movies
  44. Cuddling
  45. Writing
  46. Football games
  47. Road trips
  48. Sherbert
  49. Dogs
  50. Doing my makeup
  51. Sunflowers
  52. Getting handwritten letters
  53. Writing handwritten letters
  54. Re-watching concert videos
  55. Rain
  56. Fall
  57. The mountains
  58. Old school music
  59. French fries
  60. The color blue
  61. The color black
  62. The color yellow
  63. Organizing
  64. Dr. Pepper
  65. Taking notes
  66. My book
  67. Getting my hair done
  68. Lash princess mascara
  69. Hanging out with my grandparents
  70. Falling in love
  71. Discovering new songs
  72. Cleaning out my emails
  73. The beach
  74. Summer
  75. A new fragrance
  76. Dainty necklaces
  77. Rings
  78. The Twilight series
  79. Marble
  80. Interior design shows
  81. Real Housewives of Atlanta
  82. Online shopping
  83. Payday
  84. A new pair of jeans
  85. Cheetah print
  86. Stars
  87. Documentaries
  88. Sweet tea
  89. Chick Fil A lemonade
  90. Slippers
  91. Kappa Delta
  92. Happy crying
  93. Raccoons
  94. My job
  95. Twitter
  96. Zaxby’s
  97. Strawberries
  98. Plums
  99. The Breakfast Club
  100. sunsets

Those are 100 things that make me cheese extra big. Comment below what makes you smile!

☆Bullet Journaling☆

I always talk about finding different ways of self-care to help better mental our mental health. I have found a new passion of mine and this bullet journaling, and I thought I would share that with y’all. Most people know what bullet journaling is, but just in case you don’t it is a creative journal you use to write down your past and see how you can do better. Planning you future and living in your present. There are many forms of bullet journaling. You can bullet journal for mental health, your job profession, or just for the heck of it. It is so relaxing and helps me organize what I need to do to get better in a more fun and creative way. Below are a few clips of my journal so far.

 

 

I have had so much fun planning out a bunch of stuff and being artsy. I am a very creative and visual person, so when I have a chance to make something that is not so fun, and make it creative, I do it. I challenge all of you to try bullet journaling to see if it is something you would be interested in. Whether it is for your mental health, organizing, or just to doodle because you’re bored. If it is something you are interested in, share it with your loved ones that you think would enjoy this. It is definitely a stress reliever for me. I hope you have a happy holidays!

Become an Arbonne consultant and strengthen your body & mind

Guys!! I have the best news! I just became a consultant for ‘Arbonne International’, which is a company that creates, promotes and sells products, health and wellness based, with pure botanically based ingredients. A few products include skin care, bath & body, nutrition, and makeup! I became a consultant because I have a blog and a book out on mental health and wellness and I have been feeling not well physically for a while now. When you feel good, you look good. Now, I know y’all are probably thinking this a scam or pyramid scheme because I thought so too. I have had my fair, unwanted shares of scams in the past, and it makes me skeptical to literally everything that graces across the internet. You can look up the company on their website to prove they’re legit at the website www.arbonne.com . One of my sorority sisters introduced me to Arbonne, and I told me everything I could benefit from it, and of course I trust her, so I did it. One of the main reasons I joined Arbonne is the money I would be making from it, which is why really anyone becomes a consultant.

Becoming an independent consultant, like me, you will earn 35% commission off high end Arbonne products while still earning a discount. For this month only, signing up to become a consultant is only $49 which I know sounds like a lot, because it was for me being a college student, but compared to it being usually $79, it was for sure a steal. You also get commission out of it, so you’re making more than you put in. Money is tight for a lot of people, which is something I understand because it is for me too. Monday, the 26th was Cyber Monday, but this deal is being extended until tomorrow November 27, so of course I had to blog about it. This cyber Monday until 11:59 November 27, 2018, you can get free shipping and 30% off on Arbonne’ holiday collection, which would make perfect Christmas gifts! If this is something you are interested in doing; getting premium products such as clean formula and plant powered nutrition that offers true benefits, flexible hours, online tools to help you grow and earn, and incredible compensation, then this is the job for you. Email me or direct message me on social media, or click on my link http://TaylorJordan24724665.arbonne.com/ if you have ANY questions and I will answer them to the best of abilities. This was not a question for me whether to join or not. I am a broke college student who needs to use products to help me feel and look great!
Arbonne is also doing a 30-day cleanse which is not a diet, starvation, or fasting, it’s exactly what it says. A cleanse of toxins in your body that may be aiding in your weight gain, or just feeling gross in general. When I found about this cleanse I just knew this is something I had to do. While working on my mental health, I needed to work on my physical health, so I am killing two birds in one stone. The website to visit is www.pure30revolution.com .
The results from becoming a consultant and earning extra income, purchasing products, or the 30-day cleanse are very real, and I would be more than happy to show them to you. This was the most exciting decision I have made in a while, and I do not have one ounce of regret. Please, please, please feel free to ask me any questions you may have about this opportunity and I promise you will not regret it.

An Update

I’ve not been myself lately, and it’s incredibly scary. I have gotten bad again. I was doing so good and then everything fell apart. Anything that could go wrong, did. My grades have slipped, and I haven’t had the motivation to even take a shower in days. I oversleep and miss my classes. and am late to work all the time. I don’t want to do anything except sleep. I used to be an honor student and all I want to do is drop out of college, to just sleep. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s the truth. It’s gotten so bad, that it’s dangerous for me to be alone. October 21, I attempted to take my own life. I was ready to die; still am because today November 1, I attempted to take my life again. I haven’t felt this low in about a year and I’m stuck on what to do. I’m drowning in sadness every time I wake up, and every second I spend breathing. I’m suffocating, and the pain in my heart is excruciating. No one around me seems to be phased because they have seen me like this before, just another “episode”, I guess. I have begged God every single night, not to wake me up the next morning. I have talked to him, and, asked him to give me strength to do simple things like get out of bed, brush my teeth, brush my hair, change my clothes, and do my homework. I feel like a burden to every single person I encounter. I’ve been down this road before and I came out on top, yet, here I am again, at the lowest point in my life. My health is deteriorating. I’m sick all the time, and I don’t seem to be getting better. I just want to get back to being able to do simple things without it taking everything out of me. I wrote this blog as an update and an apology. I’m very sorry to those of you who read my blog, and who I’ve let down with this update. Please don’t lose faith in me and continue to read my blog and gain encouragement as I continue to write this blog and gain encouragement. Those of you who are religious, please keep me in your prayers, and those of you who aren’t keep me in your thoughts. I’m struggling so bad right now, and the only thing on my mind, at this moment, is death. I just need peace.

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